At 5.00pm today, while scrolling through twitter the news that I never wanted to find out showed up in my newsfeed. Never in a million years would I want this to happened.. today is the day that my dearest friend, school mate, ex soul mate passed away. How I wish this was a joke and he was still alive, making jokes with his friends and twitting his soul out on twitter. But no, it DID happened and I'm overwhelmed with mixed feelings about this news. I remembered during secondary school that you would always annoy me with your annoying snort during mother tongue class and you're never-ending lame jokes. Yet I would still find those lame jokes funny and would laugh in silence without anyone knowing. We were no close to even begin with, we were just classmates for those 4 years but due to some fallouts we became close friends in secondary 3 thanks to our mutual friend Atika for bringing us together. We played together in P.E and always eat together during recess, and then in secondary 4 after our N levels I found out that you had feelings for me. We talked everyday and everynight before becoming official. 

You understood me whenever I had problems and always drove those negativity out within seconds. 31st December 2013 was the day that we became official as a couple, thanks to Atika nevertheless always pushing us together haha. We went to the movies for our first date, you fetched me after my work before heading there and I was surprised and touched. I remember that moment when you were smoking right outside the mall and I was just staring at you, admiring you thinking do I really deserved you? Due to my personal feelings, our relationship ended in a blink of an eye. I remembered how it broke your heart when that happened. I was super duper stupid for doing that and man not a single day did I ever stopped thinking that I wanted to get back with you. But soon we ended with mutual feelings and decided to just stayed as friends. I though you'd hate me and forgot about me, but no you'd comment on my photos on Instagram and even on twitter. 

Again, with my stupid feelings I neglected your act of kindness and slowly we stopped communicating. The last photo that you commented was a "Welcome Back" from when I just got back from Phuket,Thailand. It was just 2-3 months ago and now... now you're gone. I hate that I had let my feelings controlled me. I remembered countless times that you'd asked me out to hangout with your friends.. again I was afraid and I declined your offers again and again. How I wish you were still here.. How I wish I did not do those mistakes and just keep on talking to you. 

Muhammad Aidil, you were my first lover, my friend, my ray of sunshine... You'll always be loved and missed. I love you Aidil...