These few days had me thinking, do I really need to change myself to pleased people? I mean I`ve been getting comments from friends or other people saying that I`m way to vulgar for a girl and I have a strength of an actual guy. I`ve had these comments before way back in primary and secondary school and to be honest I don`t give a single shit. But now, it`s a little different I guess since I`m growing older by the day and to be honest I`ve always thought "what happens if I change myself and become feminine and dressed up in a proper dress and walk more like a girl rather than my usual "man-like" walk. Would this pleased people? Will they like me?


Just a few days ago, my internet friend told me that I should be more "soft-like" like other girls and not swear.. Yes you internet people, I swear and I mean I swear alot and I know its not feminine like.. So I eventually told him that "well sorry to disappoint you boy cause I`m not like any other girls". Even though I said that, in my head I was thinking.. shit was I being too harsh or rather too much for swearing since I`m a girl? *sigh* I`ve been feeling depressed for the past few days and I really don`t know what to do. I`m starting to feel that my self-esteem dropped alot, my insecurities have been getting to me. The same day that my internet friend told me that, my colleague whom I shall not even say his name told me face-to-face that I`m fat. Yes I know deep down that he was joking but to be honest since secondary school I`ve been struggling with my diet and my weight. I`m not too fat nor too skinny just an average body sized  girl who weights 58kg with a height of 5'1 tall. Yes I`m short I know, but till now when somebody calls me fat I just can`t help but feel stressed out.


I`ve been trying to control my diet, I even ate less nowadays and none of this are helping me to lose weight. I know my problem is not that of a big deal like those who are suffering from eating disorders and other stuff. But seriously ugh I feel so stressed up, sometimes I even think that I should have become a guy not a girl and to those who are reading this, no I`m not a lesbian I`m straight as a pole. Talking about that.. I was even called a lesbian once, okay maybe even more than that. I mean I may be rough but that doesn`t mean I`m a guy or a lesbian. Seriously ugh this people should just stop harassing me, I`ve had enough on my plate, I just hope that this will just go away as soon as possible.


Wish me luck......
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