It`s been more than a month that I`ve been having this frustration in my head. I`ve always had these few people coming to me, complaining to me about stuff be it theirs or just some family matters. Now I`ve always grown up as a person who doesn`t share much stuff about myself, yes there are some stuff that I share with my friends/family but the ones that haunts me or keep pulling me down and having this scary feeling that I can`t even get back up. It`s really scary and I feel very frustrated with this feelings, I just feel like running away from reality and go to a place where only me and no one else can find me - Just me and my imaginations.

Being the eldest in the family is never easy, you have to set good examples to your siblings and lead them on but to me I feel that I don`t deserve to be the eldest in the family nor even born. I kept getting all these negativity and the feeling of always getting blamed at. Well I don`t blamed them for doing that cause I know I`m never a good person nor a good role model. I feel so lost and angry at the same time, I just can`t describe how I`m really feeling right now but I do know that I`m very frustrated with my life. I used to think that I`m able to put all those missing pieces at their right places and maybe then my life would be a little better but with the things that I have to go through right now  I don`t I`m able to even put myself together. I just want to run away far away from home and be alone.

I can never be happy anymore, I don`t think that`s even possible for me at this stage. The things that I have to go through I really feel that I can`t move on. I just need my own space for the time being and be alone so I could maybe just think over and try to solve all those problems. It`s never going to be easy in first place but maybe one day it will all work out Insya`allah.
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